I've been so bipolar for about 2 months now! One minute I'm excited and the next minute I feel so sad, hurt, disappointed, pained and totally confused. I could be having a fun convo with a friend via bb/facebook/whatsapp and totally sending all the 'LOL' 'LMHO' but at the same time sobbing about random things I've had to deal with lately. How did I get here? How did things get this bad?
I do miss me, I miss the normal jumpy, friendly and happy May! These days I've become so isolated and churchophobic... it is like I've developed a sudden and weird kind of phobia for people, especially fellow Christians. For some weeksssss I've had to attend both mid-week and Sunday church services via the internet in order to keep sane and also re-examine my walk with God.
I miss having dad around too. Sometimes I think my life would have been so much easier if he was here with me. There are a lot of things on mind, so many questions, so many issues I wish to sort out, things I wish I could change and dramas I wish I never saw, heard or experienced.
Through these all, I've learnt to handle friendships with care because sometimes in life, a friendly face can be your enemy's mask. For someone like me who can be very open, straight-forward and non-secretive with close friends, I've had to learn the difference between love and trust and this was a very very very hard lesson to learn. I've learnt to give room for humans to be humans irrespective of how close they are to me or God... Even though I sometimes like to deceive myself, I know not everyone will treat me the way I would treat them given the same circumstance.
The bible actually says love your neighbour as yourself not trust your neighbour as yourself. Since LadyMay will continue be LadyMay and I can't change the way God made me, I have come to a conclusion to keep on loving people and increasing the number of sugarpies, honeypies, brothers and sisters I have BUT to trust God in them instead. That way it won't hurt so much when they display their human tendencies. ***Thinking out loud*** Talking about brothers and sisters, trust me when I say I have loads of them in different parts of the world, interestingly I have never met some of them before but they've been a HUGE blessing to me.
So back to the main gist, life has been very dramatic and traumatic lately. The devil has really tried using people I love and care about so much to break me but mercy said no...Thank God for Jesus! I'm actually beginning to see more clearly by the day that there is something quite unique and special about me. If I was very ordinary, the devil won't bother trying to frustrate me at every given opportunity but it's not over until God says it's over. My light will shine no matter the darkness around me! No matter the number of rocks life throws at me, I'll keep standing on Christ the solid rock and after these tests, I'll be back to share my testimonies!
Dear friends, life isn't always going to be easy but when our faith seems to be getting weak we have to make effort to keep standing! Bible says in Ephesians 6:10-13 “Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age,[a] against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand”
When life upsets you, stand! When you feel disappointed and betrayed, stand! When you feel weary and tired, stand! Keep standing, encourage yourself in the Lord, pray, read the word, sing hymns and keep saying to yourself "The anchor holds", "No power of hell, no scheme of man will ever pluck me from his hand, till He returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand"
When you don't even get what God is up to and why you are still standing, just stand! Your big tests are bringing you big testimonies in due time, keep standing and all will be well.